Confusedus is Mr. Miagi's cousin and the Most Interesting Man in the World's college roommate.

Magnets stick better than velcro.

It's gotta be a great conversation when you can honestly use "I'm Batman" as a comeback.

Nobody actually tweets about using the restroom. doing the laundry is in now.

Cant live for the past or the not here yet. Can't plan forever or forget to plan. Live now with next in your sights and gone on your mind.

You should probably stop at stop signs if you drive a smart fortwo. #smh

Flattery may get you nowhere, but a doctorate in psychology can get you anywhere.

And isn't Howie Mandel Canadian?

Deep question: why are there two british judges on AMERICA's got talent? -wesley.

Confusedus is smarter than i thought. Hydrophobia is rabies. Not aquaphobia. Just don't tell him I said that.

Told Confusedus "whatever floats your boat" once. Proceeded to recieve a lecture on aquaphobia. I hope he realizes that's a name for rabies.

Neither a lender nor a borrower be. Always pay cash up front. -Confusedus

Dont sweat petty things... or pet sweaty things. -Woody Paige.