I prefer my revenge fresh out of the oven. That way, it tastes like foot. Serve with crow. -Confusedus

Cookie theme song for 2012: Cookie Rock Album. "Everyday I'm crumblin..."

Line of the Day: "Where are all the nice guys at?"
"The Friend Zone..."

That moment when you've tried everything, including the State Farm jingle.

The difference between idiocy and profundity is public opinion.

Why can't anyone in the background have a moment "alone in the crowd?" Stars and main characters are such scene hogs.

You don't need a scuba tank for a mud puddle.

Some sailors got in trouble for anchoring too near to a riverside art gallery or painted doors.
One does not simply moor next to DoorWalk.

The more I look at society in general, the less I blame Darwin for the whole "monkey to man" thing. I can see how he thinks that.

I can't watch that show "I Dream of Jeannie." It gives me nightmares.

When in doubt, use an Indian accent. Then, it's at least funnier.

If you lie with dogs, odds are you probably are a dog. Fetch, stupid.